By Pam Hayes
Special to The PREVIEW
The first 18 months of my life I spent shuttled between four homes and four “moms.” My soft yellow baby blanket trimmed in wide satin went with me through all the transitions. Satin rubbed between my fingers helped me relax away my fear so I could fall asleep.
Hidden under downy softness, I became invisible to the monsters that lurked in the shadows and under my bed. Caressing my fevered lower lip comforted me through childhood illnesses, including polio. The security and comfort needed throughout my preschool days I kept within easy reach at all times.
Shy and reclusive as a child, my furry friends and yellow satin-bound blanket became my constant companions. I trundled off forlorn to school, heartbroken when forced to leave blankie home. Eventually, I learned to navigate my new, expanded world.
My blankie’s security replacement appeared years later. With much excitement, our family of four, plus Buffy, our pooch, moved into a sparkling new home. I took an interior decoration class to better enhance our home. My husband, Leo, built bookshelves galore. We landscaped the front and back yards; crafted a patio with a fire pit for entertaining friends on summer evenings. New furniture filled the empty spaces.
A kitten, a pair of guinea pigs and a bunny joined our menagerie to the dismay of our cocker spaniel. I relished the view of the San Bernardino Mountains of southern California from the expansive kitchen and family room windows.
I enjoyed many a young woman’s dream: a husband and children, my own home, friends and extended family close, but not too close. My nest well-feathered, I nestled down for a long stay.
A few years later, my husband, announced his desire to start his own business. He planned to leave a secure, well-paying job necessitating relocation to the Seattle area. Our treasured friends relocated there four years earlier and the anticipation of living close to them again made the change a grand adventure.
The house sold within two weeks and we began the moving preparations. As reality sank in, a deep-seated fear arose drowning me in uncertainty. Our new adventure was turning into a personal nightmare. What are we doing? It doesn’t make sense. Why leave everything comfortable to start all over in an unfamiliar place? Why is Leo giving up a lucrative job with a promising career for the insecurity of starting a business?
On top of the move came a surprising joy but unsettling news nonetheless: We would be welcoming another baby into our family. A new doctor and no insurance; the thought shook me to the core. My husband’s timing must be wrong.
Sitting in my prayer corner, the words of my Bible blurred as I tried to read. I heard the Lord ask me, “What are you putting your security in? Your house? Your husband’s job?”
“Both, I guess.” I meekly replied.
“You will never find security in people or things,” He warned me.
God’s words struck all the way to my heart, to reveal my secret insecurity. Proverbs 3:5 states, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” My trust needs to rest in Him and only Him. Then I am secure, regardless the circumstance.
My well-founded faith in Jesus continues to sustain me through family crises, loss of family and financial insecurity, as well as everyday problems. The Lord always proves faithful and worthy of the trust I place in Him.
At times, I still miss my soft baby blanket and I will always love silky satin and all things yellow.
