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A woman will do it every time

The phone rang. It was Al’s brother, David.

“I won’t be coming up this weekend. I have to go to jail.”

“Jail, what in the world happened?”

“It’s over this good-looking woman.”

“It’s always about a woman,” I reminded him. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.”

“You must have done something wrong.”

“Well, this girl is a looker. She is beautiful. I saw her at one of the clubs; she and I talked. She gave me her number. I found out later she had a jealous boyfriend. He’s a cop. He had one of his men stake me out and he waited for a black Lexus. He knew I frequented this place. He has been watching for me for a couple of nights and when he saw my car, he picked me up.”

“What did you do?”

“I was texting and I went over a white line. This cop pulled me over and told me to get out of the car and walk a straight line. I told him I couldn’t. I had flat feet and I never could walk a straight line. I only had a one glass of wine. I told him I was being set up. He reported that I was resisting an arrest. He took me to jail. I got an attorney, spent the night in jail and now I have a probation officer. My court date came up and I have to go to jail for three days.”

“David, you are too pretty to go to jail. This has to be humiliating. You will be trading in your two hundred pairs of shoes for a pair of blue cotton footies. They will take your designer jeans and put an orange jumpsuit on you with a number on the back. And all this for a woman.”

“I was set up. People around here know that guy is a dirty cop.”

“Too bad it didn’t happen in Archuleta County, I hear the food is pretty good here. The last time you were pulled over here, you ended up doing community service for the Chamber of Commerce. Will you ever learn?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Was this woman worth it?”

“No.”

“I’ll tell your brother you called. I’ll be waiting to hear how it was in jail. I hope they keep all the goons away from you.”

Al came in and I said, “Your brother called. He’s not coming up this weekend. He’s going to jail for a couple of days.”

Al thought a moment and answered: “What’s for supper?”

“Well, I think it will be better than what your brother will eat tonight.”

Final brushstroke: They all say they are innocent. If you can’t walk a straight line, it might be good to stay home.

Artist’s quote

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.” — Thomas Szasz, psychiatrist and author.

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