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How big are they anyway?

It is funny about life.

When I started writing these columns I wanted to write about things that would change the world, I felt there was too much noise out there. Well, this one is full of noise and by writing it, nothing is going to change, everyone likes it the way it is.

I recently wrote about the price one pays to have their big boy toys. If you remember, Al’s brother was dating a 22-year-old.

I asked the question, “What in the world do they talk about?”

Wow! I have to pass these comments along. They are too rich to hold to myself.

I think I am going to take a disclaimer, “These comments are not necessarily the opinion of this writer, I’m just stating what I hear.”

E-mails started coming in on the Big Boy Toys article.

“Hi Betty, I just read your ‘Big Boy Toys’ story to my husband and we both laughed our heads off. ‘What do they talk about?’ Dennis said, ‘Diapers ... for him and her.’ We love your column and look forward to it every week. God Bless and keep up the good work.”

Dennis and Roxie Schick


Sam, the one who has the 74-year-old neighbor who went to Alaska on a Monster Motorcycle, says, “Betty, Betty, Betty, you are never too old, and nothing is too big. That brother of Al’s must be something else, I want to meet him.”

“This is another great article. I’ll vouch for you, these are true stories.”

EW, Grass Valley, Calif.

Al’s brother, David, 78 years old, read the article and called.

“I had Caroline over the other night; remember she is the twenty-two year old I told you about with the one-year-old twins.”

“Yes, I remember. You were going to beat up her boyfriend.”

David proceeded. “When Al and your daughter, Allison, were here in Albuquerque, I invited them over to dinner. I also invited Caroline. She came with her two little babies.” Then, he laughed, “Caroline had on a tight shirt showing the tops of her breasts. Al got embarrassed and kept looking the other way.”

I said to myself, “Thank you, Lord, I got Al and not his brother. He has the hair, but Al has the heart.”

My daughter said, “Mother, it’s true, she was so big, I mean BIG, really BIG; I thought she must be nursing. So, I asked her if she was still nursing. She was huge, she could have. Uncle David stepped in and said disgustingly,’NOOOOOOOOO, they are implants.’”

I said, “Well since they ARE dating, I don’t think nursing is acceptable in the dating arena.”

When Al came home, he said, “The babies fussed all night, Caroline was up and down, yelling at her babies. She is young; she doesn’t know how to take care of them. She couldn’t enjoy her meal. None of us could. So I brought the steaks home.”

I looked at the steaks and said, “That’s too bad. Your brother is a great cook.”

Al said, “It embarrassed me. You could see everything and they were BIG, maybe bigger than a Double D. She bent over and everything fell out. She was flaunting them.”

I said, “Al, what do you know about Double Ds? I didn’t know you were looking?”

“I wasn’t, I kept looking away, but you couldn’t help but look.”

I said, “What is she thinking and what is your brother thinking?”

Al’s brother called. “Al and Allison got to meet Caroline.”

I said to him, “I heard. Since you are the grandfather here and you have the money, if you insist on dating these young girls, buy them some decent clothes and teach them how to dress properly. You’re playing with life. You don’t really care. You should be the adult here; these young girls do not know any better.”

Then I proceeded, “I feel sorry for all of you. By the way, the steaks were great.”

“I talk to them and try to help them,” he said.

“David, since you are out there clubbing, you could redeem your life, help them out. But you would have to change your ways.”

“How’s that?”

“Stay celibate.”

He said, “Never! It will never happen.”

I guess some boys are not going to turn loose of their toys. So how big are they anyway? I know this will give Sam something to write about. Sam, apparently they are too big.

Final brushstroke: I’m taking a disclaimer on this one. There were three witnesses so I’m passing it along as truth.

Artist’s quote

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” — Henry Ford.

Reader’s comments

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